Tuesday, February 19, 2008

I'd like you to meet my anxiety

Seeing as how I deal with this issue ever day, you would think that I would post just as often. Obviously this hasn't been the case. I think part of the reason is, when I'm feeling good, I don't want to deal with anxiety let alone think about it, therefore I don't take the time to blog about it. Instead I choose to update my other blogs which topics are much more fun than this. But, I started this here blog for a reason and that was to journal my experiences with this ugly disorder and face my fears. So without further ado, let me introduce you to wacky world of anxiety. Some of you however, may already be familiar with his work, and don't require a formal introduction... But I digress...

It all started long ago, when I was just a little youth. Nine years old to be exact. Right when my parents divorced. During that time, I started developing strange fears and would become very anxious. I went to therapy for a few years, got better and nine years later, BAM! I was hit again. This time with anxiety/panic attacks. A very horrifying experience. And the first one happened on a plane. Of course. Anyway after visiting a few emergency rooms, I finally realized that it really was anxiety and poof! It all went away. Flash forward 14 years later to last October, while driving to school, and yes, it happened again. But now? I can't get it to go away. And even worse? I just got married and it's affecting my poor husband.

I should probably explain also, that we live in the mountains, not only am I feeling isolated, in order to go to work or school, I need to drive 45 minutes through wilderness. Where the cell phones don't always work. Where there aren't any establishments to stop at and get help if you freak out. You get my point? Since the first attack happened while driving, naturally I have stopped driving myself places. I am also afraid to be alone, and afraid to travel far from my comfort zone. All this is new to me. And very scary. Not to mention a royal pain the caboose.

This all may seem silly even crazy to a person who doesn't suffer from this aliment, and in reality, it is. Silly. You see people who suffer from anxiety disorders know that the problem is in their head. It's just an issue of mind over matter. And logically we know that we aren't really in any danger. However, when the mind starts working it's bad vibes, the body unfortunately has a bad habit of following along, manifesting all kinds of scary physical symptoms. When that happens it's very very hard to turn your mind off and think clearly. Not to mention relax.

The thing to do, is not let the anxiety get the best of you, and stop it before the physical symptoms really get going. Not as easy as it sounds. But it can be done. Thousands maybe even millions of people find a way to conquer their anxiety, and I know I can too. After all, I've done it before. I just don't know why it's so hard to do it again...

2 comments:

Stace said...

Actually I'd say most people have a degree of anxiety in different situations. I have a fear of driving stick shifts because when I learnt to drive in my Mum's old dunga car it was in the habit of stalling in first. This left me with a fear of being stranded in the middle of busy intersections and I haven't driven one since. Actually, someone taught me about ten years later and I picked it up no problem, but as soon as we hit a town, I refused to drive it anymore! I guess that's a form of anxiety. I also hate deep water and cockroaches crawling on me.

Michele said...

Yep those are forms of anxiety all right. But their normal ones. :)

I totally am like that too. My husbands car is a stick and I refuse to drive it. I'm OK on roads that I can coast along, but if I have to stop anywhere forget it. I freeze up. I once got pulled over, cause I kept stalling the car at a stop light and the cop thought I was drunk! I'm like,no I just can't drive. Ha!